What are you fighting for and who are you fighting with?

Every once in a while this question pops up in a coaching conversation when the hum-drum of monotonous consistency in life begins to take over along with a persistent sense of annoyance at most things. A telltale sign we’re fed up with ourselves or have lost the path. Ultimately, we need to check in on what we’re resisting and what we’re longing for…in that order.

Take a 5 minute break….

INSIGHT
(what we need)

Manage the downside rather than amplifying the upside for equanimity.  

Chasing the positive, choosing what feels good, or cultivating one’s light is often the value proposition of many a wellbeing methodology. Ironically, this comes with a pricey dark side: the desire to stave off darkness or inability to mange it when life inevitably gets hard. And if you’re human, it will.   

Rather than placing all our attention on the upside, what if we ‘set a hopeful heading’ and use most of our energy to mitigate the downside?  Turns out, embracing the struggle, navigating discomfort, doing hard things, and being willing to sit in unpleasantness is what allows it to lose its “charge” – building a new level of resilience in the process. If we ‘perform reps with stress’, we condition our bodies and minds to carry much heavier burdens. 

This is especially helpful when long term uncertainty (and even chaos) becomes the chronic stressor in our global environments, greatly affecting our sensitive internal environments. Our systems cannot handle these prolonged versions of stress so we naturally cuddle up into comfort or blissful escapism to prevent the eventual burnout, anxiety, cynicism, and numbness that becomes our system’s normal coping mechanism when the stress gets too great. The antidote? Skillfully imposed stressors that help us function normally under pressure. 

Does that mean we just become hardened soldiers? Not at all. But it does suggest we love flourishing loosely: as it comes and it goes. Rather than placing emphasis on the book ends (flourishing vs. struggling), we place our awareness on surfing the coming and going between these two points. For the impermanent destination of happiness / flourishing is a futile pursuit. Navigating the ups and downs allows glimpses into moments of flourishing which ironically become richer experiences in their fleetingness. 

There are a lot of external stressors today causing struggle — but it is the fossilized internal ones that are causing real pain. If we learn to box with our shadows and acknowledge our darkness, our perspectives and stories begin to shift. If we also add physical challenge (struggle in practice), then our capacity to learn new ways becomes easier. It can look and feel like struggle: but is only the obstacle course that builds self awareness in the midst of unknown chaos. As children, we do this with a sense of playfulness and curiosity. As adults, we either learn how to down regulate in the face of stress, or freak out and resist.

Shadow boxing is our resistance. The sides of ourselves that hold us back, protest against pain, or flee from the struggle. It’s where we fight ourselves to preserve our egos/stories. We need to get out of our heads and shadow box a different way. Because in the end, biology trumps psychology. We can’t think your way out of the darkest corner. It will always catch up to us.  The body doesn’t lie. Or as the now common saying goes, “the issues are in the tissues.” 

INSPIRATION
(what we want)

Shadow Boxing: new long-form podcast on the importance of resistance for growth and bottom up strategies.

• New podcast featuring an excellent line up of experts discussing the general madness of today and how to navigate it using new methods.

• Conversations with thought leaders in psychology, performance, athletics, innovation and neurobiology on the need to unravel our shadows for growth.

• Hosted by Dr. Sarah Sarkis (psychologist and self-proclaimed “Jedi of the Unconscious) and Dr. Chris Bertram (Neuroscientist and Stress-resistant Learning Expert) on a quest to explore change, resistance and growth.

• Inobvious lessons on pain being a portal, how to metabolize trauma, the power of disobedience, going against the grain and much more.

• Their tagline inspired today’s post: “what we are fighting for and who are we fighting with?”

INNOVATION
(what we wish for)

MindMoves: a coaching design service that outfits psychologist & psychiatrist offices with movement stations that treat the mind through the body.

• Therapists work with the body in treatments to unravel a shadow theme that they progress through alongside regular talk therapy. 

• Rooms designed to inspire clients to “do the hard work” rather than spin in narrative or reinforce existing behavior. 

• Evidence-based somatic protocols work through stuckness, trapped energy, and chronic pain in the body to reach resolution and calm.

• Heavy weights, punching bags, scream pillows, trampolines, and other tools aid in prescribed movements for each client.

• Therapists receive Nervous System Regulation training (breath & somatic exercises) to add dimensionality to their practice.