Wellbeing is not a solo act.

The reason why people still feel unsettled even if they go to the gym, attend their yoga classes, or get balanced meals is because our sense of thriving does not exist in isolation. However, most of the wellness industry is about the solo pursuit of looking and feeling better. Not connecting to something deeper.

As social emotional creatures, we do better in groups. Even for those who like to sit on the fringe. That orientation around support and being witnessed is part of how we are wired to survive.

If you could design your own circle of being witnessed, what might it look like?

Take a 5 minute break….

INSIGHT (what we need)

Our witnessing of ‘other’ is a sacred act missing from secular lifestyles.

The way we relate to ourselves in relation to the wider circles that have made us –our families, communities, networks, and greater landscapes – are an inextricable part of our wellbeing. Our shared humanity, deeply lived by the concept of ubuntu or “I am because you are” originally of Zulu culture, is fundamental to our flourishing.

We gain that sense of belonging: knowing and being known; loving and being loved. We witness each other becoming: growing into the people we are called to be. And we drop our concept of ‘self’ altogether as we have moments experiencing the beyond, regardless of religion or belief.

These sacred spaces are dwindling as we continue to modernize and grow distant from spiritual life. Yet our spirits long for recognition and meaning.

Wellbeing has become a programmatic pursuit through the acquisition of skills and knowledge. Rare are the witnessed inquisitions within groups. 

Life-long learners and high performers love acquiring new skills. Be it through the one-way knowledge exchange of consuming your favorite online teacher or signing up for a self-paced course. The abysmal 20% finish rates of the online course world has led to a boon in cohort-based learning over the past 5 years. Though this is a group-based learning circle, the experience still tends towards knowledge-exchange, albeit more interactive.

You don’t need to “win” to matter. These time-bound experiences are still mostly about skill acquisition, learning buddies, and earning badges or credentials. Less about the orientation to move out of one’s own growth experience to witness another’s – and to be witnessed beyond the need to earn. No one should need to earn their place in the world, the love of others, or their right to agency. Yet we are designing rewards-centric communities with dashboard rankings, dopamine-induced trophies for commenting, and an inherent sense of needing to “win.” I’m not saying these structures aren’t useful to train for things like a highly competitive marketplace – but they may be excessive in circles that are designed for connection, belonging and growth.

Committing to something beyond ourselves. I admire (some of) the religious communities that consistently gather to address our collective crises of spirit. Even without the buildings, these sacred structures of people gathering in communion fortify one’s faith, shared belief, and commitment to something greater. For those who are less religious, nor belong to new age spiritual groups, there are fewer sacred spaces to be a part of. Yet the unaddressed longings still remain. We still need a place to practice strengthening our spirits.

Secular yet sacred circles of becoming and belonging. Many learning programs extend into ‘communities of practice’ to continue one’s mastery of a craft. These communities already exist and have been around since humans gathered to do anything non-religious. They are the coaching circles, relational dojos, philosophy salons, and sports clubs you may already be a part of. They represent the longer term commitment to a set of shared values or craft mastery that hone the meta competencies that allow us to witness each other (like discipline, focus, sensitivity, resilience, adaptability, compassion, etc). There is an opportunity within these communities of practice for less reward-centric learning to meet the evolving needs of belonging and becoming in an increasingly isolated world.

INSPIRATION (what we want)

The Mankind Project: time-honored rites of passage that support men to explore and improve their connection to healthy, mature masculinity.

This organization has been around for over 35 years, and trained over 60,000 men worldwide, as a non-profit, non-religious, inclusive brotherhood.

Their success can be attributed to what I would call “contagious courage” and the design of a program that includes timeless initiation, challenging quests, and supportive witnessing.

• Men who mentor other men (especially elder to younger) to pass the torch of timeless wisdom to others.

• Men go through experiences with other men where they learn to be secure in their role, strong in their commitments, and resolve conflicts peacefully.

• Deeply committed to nurturing one another, these brothers go through experiences of showing strength and vulnerability – and learning how to witness each other with courage and compassion.

• The living curriculum revolves around the shared values of personal responsibility, emotional authenticity, supportive community, empowered mission and leadership mastery.

• Participants have been surveyed post program since inception by researchers at Harvard studying pro-social behavior in men.

• Graduates show huge improvements in close personal relationships, an understanding of themselves and purpose in the world, and conscious control over their motivations and choices that are predictors of success, health and longevity.

INNOVATION (what we wish for)

Soma Circles: cohort of leaders regularly practicing how to embody their vision and values together so they can bring circles to their teams.  

A community of practice for leaders who are committed to their ability to witness the growth of their teams and bring “systemic balance” to the workplace. By gathering as peers outside of their place of work, they can work in a shared safe space of seeing their whole human ‘parts’, remove resistance to personal blocks, and witness each other becoming stronger holders of space for others.  

• Online community of practice that meets monthly. Initiation starts with a one month weekends intensive learning the framework and articulating one’s values and vision.

• Cohort meets monthly to exercise embodiment practices to move beyond concept and into the lived experience of what they want to create. 

• Core principles include working with “the whole human and all their parts” (from family systems work), self-other non-judgmental witnessing, and active resistance removal. 

• Embodiment tools support leaders in tapping their somatic intelligence and the pre-intellectual resources at their disposal in any given moment; particularly within inner or other conflict. 

• Community practices a shared language of the body and potentiality within presence to shift one’s self-embodied awareness. (Difficult to do with those who do not have this fluency).